Has been a long time since I have written but I promise that everything is OKAY. Had my ups and downs since the release but initially it was a success and I have grown as a singer, musician, and mother since then. I am trying to transition to consistent blog posting. QUICK UPDATE: I teach highschool now, I am about to start recording a full album, im potty training my 2 year old, and my love life…..well.. it is what it is LOL that will be updated occasionally. We are practicing DISCRETION! *ahem* But anyway thats what is right now. Promise I will update regularly this time. Oh yeah. I bought a car. its pretty bad ass…
Sometimes when I feel this way. Depressed. I feel like I need to hide inside a black hole. Only cool earth surrounding me and my only view would be the clouds in the sky. I put so much worry in my heart because I feel like I should be further than where I am. I think most people with ambition such as mine feel this way. I had let my goals get sidetracked to make love work. Then found out it really wasnt love at all. It was just this facade and I thought it was real. When I think about myself I always question whether Im good enough. Am I a good mother, am I a good musician, am I a good singer, am I good at what I do. Those are the priorities of my life. For some reason I never question that I can be a good wife. Thats one of few things I worry about being. I dont know whether deep down I have truly given up on love because of the traumatic failed one I experienced with my childrens’ father.
Maybe Im too hard on myself. Maybe I want everyone to see me as perfect so I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect in everything around me. Like mother, like daughter. I guess.
I was just sitting here like I do sometimes, thinking harder than I need to, or dwelling on thoughts longer than I need to about how people will say, “I love you” but really do they know what it means. I was always told that actions speak louder than words and I have found that intentions speak volumes. I have been recently analyzing my past relationships as well as men that I have briefly dated and see that many people want someone to just be there for them. They want someone who will listen to them when they want to complain, compliment them when they feel bad, want them when they feel undesireable, and be there for them when they fail. We all seek some type of companionship and I feel like love is that and so much more. But. What is love to you?
you know how sometimes. you look at a situation and you think about it entirely too hard? Walk away from it. give it time. breathe. come back. :)
Im very excited to announce that the mixtape will be released privately on 08/08 (Wednesday) on social media and nationally 08/20. You guys are more than welcome to share with all your friends and family, Share on your social network accounts as well. Comments welcome :)